So I am Stuck - Now What?

Despite difficult situations being unavoidable, a Solution-Focused approach offers a way to move towards the solution and what we want instead, and in doing so also reduces the risk of negative mental health consequences that might result from remaining stuck.

The Power of Instead

Instead of focusing on solutions first in a crisis or challenging situation, our instinctive response—reinforced by society—is to analyze and understand the problem in considerable detail first: to identify its cause, fix it, calculate costs and consequences, prevent recurrence, and, where necessary, assign responsibility or blame. We give the same priority to the negative emotions, feelings and thoughts that arise in such situations.

A simple shift in focus to explore solutions first, rather than problems in detail, from the outset has a remarkably positive effect on how we view and handle challenging situations and the accompanying emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
It instantly frames the situation in a positive light and encourages us to identify, and draw from, our strengths, resources, and past successes, and to apply them creatively and constructively in finding a solution and taking small actionable steps towards the outcome we desire instead. Each of these small steps builds confidence and feelings of accomplishment.
If necessary, it is always possible to revisit the problem after solving it and, from a position of accomplishment, review the emotions, decisions, and other factors in context to identify lessons learned, areas for improvement, or ways to assist in prevention.

Solution-focus acknowledges Emotions and is Realistic - not Toxic-Positivity

Looking at the solution first doesn't diminish the importance of acknowledging and validating the emotions experienced in the situation or addressing the cause, it only shifts the attention and priority to prevent an initial downward spiral of overwhelming negative thoughts and emotions like guilt, shame, embarrassment, incompetence etc., that could potentially escalate into sadness, worthlessness, hopelessness, depression and isolation.
It is therefore more useful and positive to give the problem only the minimum attention necessary at the onset to identify how to solve it for instance: "Wow, this situation is challenging and unfortunate and it is understandable and ok to have these feelings about it, yet how can I for the moment focus on, and use, my strengths, resources and past experiences in similar situations to get me from this situation to the one I prefer and is important to me - getting to my meeting, or back to my family?"

Solution-focus is realistic and acknowledges that situations differ and finding solutions in an emergency situation is different from finding solutions in a less critical situation that offers more time to explore possible solutions.
Solutions-focus also doesn't guarantee a preferred solution, but it almost always leads to a useful one. A person stranded on the side of the road might see the preferred solution as a tow truck, but may have to settle for changing the tire themselves or walking to a nearby house for help. Solutions differ from person to person and don’t have to—and can't always be—perfect, as long as they are useful to the individuals who need them and changes their perspective of the situations they face from despair to hope and leads to steps in the positive direction.

Solution-Focus empowers and cultivates Collaborative Relationships

When a Solution-Focused mindset for instance is shared by teenagers, parents and teachers it facilitates a collaborative relationship as no-one is seen as the "expert" but rather equal partners in finding solutions by encouraging everyone to be on the lookout for positive signs of success or progress that can be explored to identify, and share - "What worked?" - and to do more of that.
A Problem rarely is constant and there are almost always times when the issue is less present or entirely absent.

For example:

• Problem:
  A teenager is struggling with school performance and feels overwhelmed by the workload.
  Or, a teenager has difficulty concentrating in class and ends up distracting fellow classmates.

• Exceptions:
  The teenager has had moments in the past when they managed to complete assignments on time.
  Or, there has been times when they were able to concentrate in class.

• Exploring "What Worked?" - valuable questions might be:
  "When you think of a time where you were able to finish your homework, even if it was just one assignment? What helped you in that moment?"
  "This morning you were able to concentrate in class for 10 minutes - what was different then, or helped you to concentrate?"

• Doing more of - and Complimenting/Celebrating - "What Worked?":
  Once the teenager identifies "What Worked?", they can be repeated and the teachers, classmates and parents can set a "BOLO" (Be On the LookOut) for these positive exceptions or successes and compliment or celebrate them.

By acquiring a Solution-Focused mindset and strategies teenagers are empowered to support each other - without the intervention of teachers - to develop and improve and use their inherent strengths and resources to find solutions that work for them.

How do we cultivate a Solution-focus mindset?

We can cultivate a Solution-Focus mindset by asking questions that focuses our thoughts, attention and energy on our strengths, resources, our desired outcomes, exceptions and small signs of progress:

• Although we can't control every situation we can control our focus, approach and reactions to the situation

• A Solution-Focus mindset presumes that everyone is capable, and has the inherent resources to find a suitable or useful solution to most problematic or challenging situations even if they may not recognize it at first

• A Solution-Focus approach does not imply or require a "Perfect" solution - just one that works for the person in question

• "Yes, the situation is unfortunate and challenging but What can I Do, or What do I Want, instead?"

• "How can I apply my strengths in this situation?"

• "What resources do I have access to? (In me | In my surroundings | In my circle of friends)"
  "Who do I know that can help?" | "Who can I ask?"
  "Who can I talk to that I trust?"
  "How can I use the internet or social media?"
  "Is there books I borrow at the library that can help in finding a solution?"

• "What can I try that might work?"

• "It is ok if what I try doesn't work - what else can I try?"

• "What is someone else doing that is working that I can also try?"

• "What have I done in the past - or in a similar situation - that worked, and that I can try in this situation?"

• "Why is it valuable or important to me to solve this problem even though it is tough?"

• "When I find a solution - what will be different, or better?"
  "How or what will I notice?"
  "How will others notice?" | "What will they notice?"

• "How will I feel when I find a solution to this problem?"

The value of Solution-Focus:

• Empowers anyone but in this case teenagers, parents and teachers to focus on, and utilize, their strengths, resources and past successes to take small actionable steps towards the outcome(s) they desire - that has meaning and/or importance to them - and in the process build confidence and feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction

• Cultivates collaborative relationships where no-one is seen as the "expert" but rather equal partners that encourages and supports each other in finding, and celebrating, solutions or "What Works?".

• Adds another option to existing coping strategies and parents and teachers trained in solution-focused techniques can have more constructive conversations with struggling teenagers.

By equipping teenagers, parents, and teachers with solution-focused thinking, we can affect a change in perspective and cultivate hope, problem-solving skills, and resilience — all of which also plays a role in suicide prevention — and teenagers might be encouraged to:

• Explore exceptions: "When have I felt even slightly better? What was different?"

• Identify their strengths and past successes, reinforcing the idea that they have the capacity to overcome difficulties: "What has helped you get through tough times before?"

• Deal with feelings of helplessness by focusing on immediate, manageable and actionable steps rather than overwhelming, unrealistic change: "What small steps can I take to improve?"

• Construct a more desireable alternative: "What would I like the situation to be instead of what it is now?"

I invite you to book a free discovery call with me if you would like to explore your preferred and desired future or outcomes, and identify and take small manageable and confidence building steps towards it. I am so convinced about the effectiveness of “Instead” and Solution-Focused Coaching that I offer a money-back guarantee if you should experience no value or benefit from our work together.