How "Instead" puts the Focus on our Future and moves us Forward

"And now my friend, the first rule of Italian driving — what's behind me, is not important!", with these words Franco, a character in the 1976 movie "The Gumball Rally" (© Warner Bros) to the shock of his passenger, dramatically rips off his Ferrari's rear-view mirror and nonchalantly throws it over his shoulder and out of the topless convertible to illustrate his point. His focus clearly on what’s important to him and no distractions tolerated.

What effect will it have if we can do this just as easy in our personal and professional lives?

This includes our lives in general, but especially when we are not happy, want to change or improve ourselves or our situation but - what we are doing is not working.
Obviously not recklessly discarding our mental rear-view mirrors, common sense, consideration for others or what’s around us, but at least choosing in the “Present” to focus mainly on our preferred, meaningful and shapeable “Future” that lies ahead and behind the large, wide windscreen in front of us, instead of focusing and spending more time on the small rear-view mirror of our unfortunate, unwanted and unchangeable “Past”.

A rear-view mirror serves an important purpose and similarly the past can’t, and shouldn’t be avoided or ignored, or as Insoo Kim Berg, co-founder of the Solution-Focused approach, rightly remarked around the related theme of problems and solutions: "Just because I am solution focused does not mean that I am problem phobic." The same applies to “Positivity” which doesn’t imply that emotions like feeling mad, bad or sad, for example, should be dismissed, suppressed or considered shameful when we focus on having a Positive Attitude. Historians and analysts spend a lot of time in the past and sometimes a long and detailed look at the past is beneficial and critical. When you are driving in reverse it is useful to keep a long and focused eye on the rear-view mirror, however not as much when you want to go forward.

The past’s influence on the present and how it can affect us is powerful and not to be underestimated. The artist Jim Steinman expressed aspects of this in his song "Objects in the rear-view mirror may appear closer than they are." However, a focus on the past primarily and on who, or what we lost, who hurt us, or what could have been, can for instance, easily turn into a distraction or an excuse not to try further, cause missed opportunities or contribute to existing relationships failing or even physical or mental illness. Lights reflecting in a rear-view mirror can have dangerous consequences for a driver. Other dangers are getting distracted by it, or using it for a purpose other than it was intended for, such as putting on make-up while driving.

The past is a valuable resource and is to be respected and honoured along with those in it and the scars we have as proof that we got through it. "Take your hats off to the past, but take your coats off to the future." was the advice in 1944 of Clare Boothe Luce, U.S. journalist, playwright and politician who highlights an important link with the future.

What value does a Future-oriented or Solution-focused perspective or attitude provide instead?

• It provides a simple but effective mechanism to initiate hope, mental lift, clarity, direction, motivation, decision, action, change, growth, confidence, improvement, impact and even healing which start in the present and comes to fruition in the future.

• It starts off creatively, and we can even have fun, with the exploration and creation of a clear, rich description and visual of what we desire instead of what is not working, what we don’t want or without whatever currently might be holding us back or contributing to doubt.

• It includes awareness of the deep personal, spiritual and emotional meaning and value this desired alternative has for us and why it is worth the effort obtaining it.

• It is supported by clearly recognisable differences or improvements we will notice in our lives and in the lives of those around us once we achieve what we desire instead.

• The focus on, and constant reminder of, the above leads to continuous spirals of the smallest or most manageable steps we are able to take towards our desired future and outcomes as our values, physical posture, thoughts, words and actions align. Without action our desired future remains maybe “One day” instead of today is “day One”.

• It builds confidence as we notice small improvements, increase what works, adjust what doesn’t or do experiments on what might work. We can measure these with scales to see how far we have come, what worked to get us to this point and what we can do to take us one point further up the scale.

• Should we at any stage during this process feel we “don’t know” then we have “Suppose”, “Imagine” or even “Magic“ and “Miracles” also at our disposal to help make a leap.
  “Suppose … we did know … what would be different than today?”, or “Imagine we knew exactly what we wanted and how much it meant to us … what would we notice, or what might others or even animals or plants notice?”
  “Suppose some Magic, Miracle or Time-Travel happened while we slept … that removed the limiting obstacles and when we wake up we are experiencing our (realistic) desired lives or outcomes ... what would that be like and what would we notice immediately that is different?"

Some other supporting views to approach “instead” with includes:

• We are whole, capable and resourceful and the experts on what we sense, feel, think and experience.

• We are not broken and don’t need to be “fixed” when we experience challenges dealing with life, relationships, unexpected events or cry a lot when dealing with grief or losses, or are not progressing in our career, or not achieving the results that we used to, or feel scared, shy or have trouble sleeping.

• We also don’t need to reach out to alcohol or medication immediately to blunt, hide or drown them. We might attempt to drown our sorrows, emotions, thoughts or past but instead end up drowning ourselves. More useful is to try and face and acknowledge them as part of being human. Honour, express, share and make peace with them and our vulnerability, as well as with the fact that our desired solutions and futures are unique to us and don’t have to comply with the standards of others.

• Even if what we experience has been diagnosed and given a label – we “are” not that label. Even if that label gives us some sense of reassurance. We are way more intricate, complex and special to be reduced to a combination of letters from a 26 letter alphabet.

Whatever our prefered solutions, outcomes or futures – they never will be, or aren’t required to be “Perfect” – just as long as they are harmless and work for us.

I invite you to book a free discovery call with me if you would like to explore your preferred and desired future or outcomes, and identify and take small manageable and confidence building steps towards it. I am so convinced about the effectiveness of “Instead” and Solution-Focused Coaching that I offer a money-back guarantee if you should experience no value or benefit from our work together.